Learning to Live and to Love
by mysticofthepen
Summary: Adrian Monk use to be able to live a normal life, but that was when Trudy had been alive. Now, eleven years after her death can the Lieutenant's neice be the key to his life and his heart? Rated for leeway
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the USA show Monk. That belongs to USA.**

**Samantha Mayfield is a made up character of my own design.**

**Chapter 1**

Adrian Monk sat uncomfortably in the Lieutenant's chair, trying to understand the course of events that had happened. Natalie had finally had enough. She had called the Lieutenant to inform him to tell Monk that she could no longer work for him. All his fears were finally getting to her and she wanted a different life than the one that she was currently leading. However, that didn't soften the blow. As much as she annoyed him with her insistent he had been grateful for her company.

"So she's gone," he stated softly, looking down at his hands. Leighland nodded slowly as he came around to the door, opening it slowly.

"Yes. Natalie's gone, but I do have someone that would be more than willing to take her place," he said in his gruff voice. Leighland opened the door to reveal a small woman with red hair and brilliant hazel eyes. She wore a soft blue dress suit that was perfectly buttoned into place.

"This is my neice, Samantha Mayfield. Sam, I'd like to introduce you to Adrian Monk," he said, allowing her to come into the room. She reached into her purse and pulled out a wet towel packet. She handed it to him and smiled softly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Adrian," she said softly in the most pure voice that he had ever heard in his life. It reminded him so much of his beloved Trudy who had been deceased for ten years. He took the wet towel packet slowly and smiled. She smiled back, bringing back memories of Trudy. He pulled his hand away and shook his head. He got up and walked over to Leighland, turning his back upon Samantha.

"I can't. She's. . . ." Monk trailed off. Leighland gave him a knowing look.

"Too much like Trudy. I think you'll find that she is nothing like Trudy. Give her a chance. She wants to work with a real private eye and you are the best person for her to work with," Leighland pointed out. Adrian looked over his shoulder at the girl. She gave him a small smile. He swallowed hard and looked back over at his long time friend. Leighland nodded for him to turn to her. He sighed softly and turned around.

"I have a lot of fears. Do you think you can handle that?" He asked her. Sam nodded.

"Uncle Leighland has told me all about your fears. He even gave me a list. I can handle them. Just give me a chance to prove myself," she replied. He took a deep breath and pushed away his fears of her being just like his beloved Trudy and gave her a forced smile.

"You're hired."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Adrian couldn't believe just how much Samantha knew. She was always on time with the much needed wet towels and ensuring that he never had to encounter any of his fears. It was like she knew just what he needed before he needed it. However, he could see the strain it was putting on the woman. They had only been working together for two months and already she was a very important person in his life.

He couldn't understand why her opinion had become so important to him. No one's opinion had ever mattered to him before, except for Trudy. Deep within his heart, Adrian didn't want her to become more important than Trudy. Trudy had been the only person in the world to truly understand and love him as he was. There would never be another woman like her.

And Samantha was nothing like Trudy. She was understanding and would get him what he needed before he needed it - at the expense of her own private time. She was always caring about him and fixing him food that was perfectly numbered and cut. In the two months that they had been together she hadn't made one mistake. He figured her anger at him now had been coming.

"I have a lot of fears. That's just who I am," Adrian tried to explain as she tried to fix the table - the only thing that was crooked in his house. He put it back and watched as she threw her arms into the air.

"That's not who you are Adrian! You can't possibly like living like this! You live in constant fear that something may be out of line or hurt you or kill you or whatever else!" Samantha argued. He looked up at her and noticed that her hazel eyes were blazing with a fire that he hadn't seen before. His breath quickened unexpectedly.

"I . . . I like living like this," Adrian argued back weakly, looking around. It was like he was noticing his home for the first time. It was true that there was nothing out of line. It was unnervingly perfect. He turned back to Samantha, who was shaking her head.

"Look at your life, Adrian. You don't go out. You don't go to the beach and enjoy the sunset. You don't go out for fear that someone might become close to you once more. You just freak out about the world, which you can't change, and stay hidden in here. You can't tell me that you love your life," Samantha pointed out. He looked down at his hands and sighed deeply as he fell upon his couch. He licked his lips slowly as he looked around the room once more. What had he become since Trudy died?

His thoughts fell to Trudy once more, as they often did. They hadn't lived this way. Yes, he still had been compulsive about somethings, but he had never been so obsessive before. He had had fears that were real, like heights. Yet she had been there to allow him to be who he was. If she was here now would she even know him?

He could feel Samantha sit down beside him. He looked up at her, tears brimmed in his eyes. Never before had he felt like he was betraying his beloved Trudy by being the way he was. Samantha put a hand upon his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I wasn't like this," Adrian said softly. He sighed. There was this need to explain to her everything that had happened that he had only known once before, when Trudy was alive.

"You weren't?" She asked him gently. He nodded slowly.

"I had fears and I am a little complusive, but it was better with Trudy. She understood that I had been abused by my mother. She was a cold, mean woman. She made sure that I understood just how much she didn't like me. She soothed that part of me and when she died. . . ." he trailed off.

"You lost your confidence," she whispered. He nodded, closing his eyes against the bitter tears that were threatening to flow down his face. He felt her hand take his gently. He looked down to see her fingers intertwined with his.

"Let me help bring back your confidence, Adrian." He looked up at her and saw that she really did care about what he was going through. A shred of hope made its way into his heart and he nodded, truly smiling for the first time in ten years. He nodded and Samantha smiled happily back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Adrian gave Samantha a wary look at what she had just suggested. He watched as she laughed brightly, doubling over in laughter.

"Oh come on Adrian! Eating ice cream at the beach isn't going to kill you!" She exclaimed in between her gasps for breath. He looked at the ice cream cone that the man was holding out for him to take. He took it and gave Samantha another look before barely licking it. She paid the man and put her arm around his. They walked slowly down the boardwalk. Adrian laughed in delight and looked over at the bright redhead beside him.

"It's actually not bad!" Adrian exclaimed, smiling brightly. She smiled and giggled, her hazel eyes danced with a new light that he was finding that he liked.

"I told you. See, isn't life amazing?" She asked him, pulling away from him to spin quickly in a circle in front of him. Adrian laughed and nodded, smiling at the youthfulness of the woman that he had come to know as a friend more than anything else.

"It is. I'm sorry I checked out of it for so long," he agreed. He watched Samantha smile softly as she returned to his side. They walked silently down the boardwalk, contently enjoying their ice cream. Adrian watched the scene around them. He had always been so afraid of this place. It had taken Samantha a week to convince him that he couldn't be afraid of other people and places where other people visited.

It had taken another week for her to convince him to wear a t-shirt and swim shorts. He had protested hard on that issue. He had no idea how to swim and he figured learning how to swim in the ocean wasn't that brilliant of ideas. Samantha had agreed that learning to swim in the ocean wasn't a great idea. So she had proceeded to talk him into allowing her to give him a crash course in swimming. That had been an experience, but he was proud to say that he could swim now. No thanks to that correspondance course he had taken.

"Life is an adventure, Adrian. If you worry about everything, if you fear everything, then you aren't living it. That's what you were doing. I've known you for nearly three months now and the first two you never smiled. Your favorite expression was a grimace. Now look at you!" Samantha replied excitedly, giving him a small nudge. He could feel his cheek tingle at her comment. He marvelled at how she could make him blush. It had been far too long since he last blushed.

He stopped walking when he realized the last time he had blushed was when he courted Trudy. His face darkened and looked down at the ground. Samantha stopped in front of him and raised his chin with her finger.

"Hey now. What's wrong?" She asked him softly, searching his eyes. He looked up at her. How could he betray Trudy like this? He had promised to love her until he died. Here he was blushing with another woman while she was in heaven watching him. The thought made him sick.

"Trudy," he mumbled. Samantha nodded and pushed a strand of her red hair behind her ear.

"You don't have to become acquainted with the real world, Adrian. If you feel like you are somehow betraying Trudy's memory then just tell me to stop being pushy," Samantha said quietly. He swallowed hard. He could see the care that she had for him, care he hadn't seen in a woman since his beloved was alive.

"No it's okay. It's. . . just hard. I never moved on after. . ." he trailed off.

"I know, but it's time to move on. Trudy wouldn't have wanted you to live your life in fear," she said softly. He looked away, knowing that she was right. Yet would she have wanted him to find another woman that cared for him just as much as she had? He pushed the thought away. He could ask his therapist that question later. He gave her a smile.

"Let's go try that beach you've been telling me about."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"You know Adrian this is a real break through for you. You've not tried to organize something in over eighteen sessions. So this new assistant Samantha is really changing your life huh?" His therapist asked him. Adrian no longer noticed how gray his hair was, or had been before. He was no longer noticing anything that had once seemed important to him. He couldn't understand it. There had only been one other time that this had happened and he had believed that Trudy was alive. It had been a horrid mistake made by a woman that was just using Trudy's memory as a way to get what she needed. It had cut him to the core and he had never been at that place again. Until now.

He nodded and smiled, a warmth radiated from the middle of his core. Samantha caused him to feel such wonderful emotions that he had tried very hard to supress.

"Yeah. She's wonderful. We went to the beach and had some ice cream. Then we went swimming in the ocean," Adrian reported, he smiled at the memory. He could still hear her gentle laughter as a wave knocked her down. He had come to her rescue, not wanting her to get hurt, but had fallen down in the sand himself.

"Swimming? In open water? Well good for you Adrian. That is an amazing turn around. Before you met this woman you never would have stepped foot in that ocean, let alone on the boardwalk," his therapist pointed out. Adrian nodded. He looked down at his hands and took a deep breath.

"I think . . . I have feelings for this woman," he rushed. His therapist's blue eyes widened.

"Really? Are you sure Adrian?" He asked him. He put down his pencil and just watched Adrian. Adrian licked his lips and nodded.

"She makes me feel like I can fly and I can't because I'm afraid of heights! I am always blushing and laughing and smiling! I can't stop smiling. Especially around her," Adrian replied.

"And how does that make you feel, Adrian?" His therapist asked quickly.

"Scared. I'm scared that I don't know what Trudy would think," Adrian replied, looking up at the man that he knew better than his old friends.He watched as he scratched his chin slowly.

"Well, we've talked a lot about Trudy. She was a wonderful woman that loved you deeply, Adrian. Do you really think that she would want you to have suffered so long? Do you think that she would mind that you were finally moving on?"

Adrian shrugged his shoulders. They had never discussed that subject. He had never dreamed that he would lose her or that she would lose him. It had never come up and now he was sitting here wondering if it was alright to feel this way again.

"I guess she wouldn't want me to be alone," Adrian made out slowly.

"Exactly. Trudy would have wanted you to find someone to be with and it dating isn't that bad. I say, let go of your mourning and live life." Adrian looked up and sighed deeply. If only it were that simple.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Hello Adrian," a soft, sweet voice greeted. He turned to find his beloved Trudy standing before him in her favorite white dress that was adorned with printed flowers. A smile spread upon his lips as he went forward.

"Trudy. What are you doing here?" He asked in disbelief as he walked closer to her. She smiled and didn't respond as he embraced her gently.

"You've been troubled lately," she whispered softly. He nodded as he took her hand. She always knew just what was going on within him. She had been amazing like that.

"Yes I have," he replied as they walked over to a bench that was seated under a weeping willow tree. They sat down together.

"Samantha is a wonderful woman," Trudy pointed out. Adrian looked away and swallowed hard. She turned his face to have him look at her.

"She's not you," he whispered. She rested her forehead against his.

"Oh Adrian. I never wanted for you to be alone. Can't you see that she is the someone that you need?" Trudy argued softly.

"She's not you! I promised to love you until . . ." Adrian trailed off. He looked down at their intertwined fingers.

"Until death do us part. Death has parted us, Adrian. Your promise was fulfilled. Don't look back. I know you will always love me and I want you to know that I will always love you. Now go, stop being alone," she whispered. He looked back up at her eyes, knowing that it would probably be the last time she visited him this way.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Samantha had been sleeping soundly when her telephone rang. She moaned and rolled over, cracking open an eye to look at the time. It read 2:08 a.m. She moaned louder in protest as the telephone continued to ring. She grabbed the receiver and placed it to her ear.

" 'ello?" She answered, unsure of who would be calling her at two in the morning. She could only hear uneven breathing, which caused her to wake up fully.

"Adrian?" She questioned. Her eyes searched for the caller's name in the darkness.

"Samantha. . . I need you to come over," Adrian replied.

"It's two in the morning, Adrian," she replied softly.

"Then can I come over there?" He asked her. She could hear the plead in his voice. She yawned, knowing that she would probably fall asleep on the way to his place.

"Okay come over here and use your key. I'll be in bed," she replied.

"I'll be over in a few minutes," he replied. They said their goodbyes and Samantha rolled over and fell back to sleep.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Adrian walked into the dark apartment. He remembered that she had said that she would be in bed, yet he wasn't sure that he wanted to go in there. He didn't want to have to tell her what had happened in his dream, but there was this nagging feeling inside the pit of his stomach that he had to. He swallowed his fear and headed towards her bed room. He had been in her apartment so many times in the last three months that he knew where everything was in the darkness. He had always been good with memorizing places.

He found her bedroom, but couldn't see anything. It was darker then the rest of the apartment. It was clear that she owned black out curtains by the way that no light from the street below made its way into her room.

"Samantha?" He inquired, hoping that this was the right room. He heard her move and mumble something.

"What?" He asked, his eyes searching the darkness.

"Come in Adrian. What is it?" She whispered. He could hear the tiredness in her voice. He made his way slowly over to her bed, which he remembered was right in front of her.

"I . . .I had a good dream," he started as he sat down slowly upon her bed. He heard her snort.

"That is why you came over at two in the morning?" She asked him, disbelief evident in her voice. He shook his head and then realized that she couldn't see him.

"Well yes. It was about Trudy. She . . . she told me to move on," he stuttered. He could hear her moving behind him. Suddenly a soft light filled the room. He turned to see her. Her red hair was in a mess all around her. She was wearing a dark blue t-shirt and the covers were an unruly mess around her. She sat up and studied his face.

"That disturbed you didn't it?" She asked him knowingly. He nodded. She rubbed his back slowly.

"It disturbed me a lot," he confined. She nodded and proceeded to get out of her bed. He got up off her bed. He watched as she straightened her bed.

"Do you want to stay here for the rest of the night?" She asked him. He nodded slowly.

"Well. . . the couch is pretty comfortable," she started, but stopped when he shook his head.

"I . . I don't want to be . . . alone. . . in the dark," he stuttered. Her face softened as she nodded.

"Take off your shoes and sleep next to me, but only this once," she said with a teasing smile. He took off his shoes and his coat. He watched as she dug into her drawer for something. She pulled out some black sweat pants. She tossed them over to him.

"Put those on. Don't worry, they are spares for my brother when he comes to visit. He hasn't worn those yet," she reassured. He blushed as he turned away from her to put them on. He knew that she wouldn't watch him, but he couldn't help feeling like he was invading her privacy as well as his own.

"Thank you," he said softly, after putting on the pants. She giggled as he sat back down upon the bed.

"Good grief, Adrian are you going to wear that stuffy shirt to bed too?" she questioned, pointing at his button up shirt. He looked down and swallowed hard.

"Erm. . yes," he replied. She shook her head and reached back into her drawer. She brought out an oversized t-shirt for him to wear. She walked over and handed it to him.

"Here, wear this," she said. He smiled and took the shirt she was holding. He watched as she exited the room. Her shorts had Winnie the Pooh on them. He smiled as he took off his shirt and put on the one that she had given him.

She returned moments later with extra pillows, which she handed to him, before she climbed onto the side of the bed that she had chosen. He climbed into bed beside her stiffly, his heart racing. She turned off the light and he felt her shift beside him.

"How ya doing?" she asked him softly. He swallowed hard once more.

"Better," he whispered. Silence engulfed the room and Adrian wondered if she could hear him blink.

"That's good. It's odd sharing a bed. I haven't done that since I was a little girl," she whispered. He turned his head to look at her, even though he couldn't see her.

"Really?" He asked her.

"Yeah. My sister and I shared a bed and a room for a time when my parents were remodeling our house," she answered. The darkness began to crush in around him. He reached over and found her hand in the dark. He laced his fingers with hers slowly.

"I'm afraid," he whispered. He could feel her give his hand a reassuring squeeze and he could feel her move closer next to him. Suddenly he felt her head upon his chest.

"Don't be afraid, Adrian. It's only the dark," she whispered back. He swallowed hard and could feel his heart racing.

"I'm trying not to be," he replied softly. He felt her trace the back of his hand, causing him to shiver.

"Just close your eyes and let your mind wander. You'll forget all about the dark," she suggested. He nodded and closed his eyes, drifting off into a peaceful slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Samantha woke up the next morning to find Adrian's arms around her loosely. She smiled and closed her eyes, just listening to the steady beat of his heart. Her mind raced at what today would bring them. They were going to have lunch with her Uncle Leighland. How was she to tell him that the man that he wanted her to watch out for during this transitional period was the man that she had waited so long for? She knew that her uncle would be able to tell that she was in love with Adrian. She just wasn't sure how she was going to explain it all to him.

She opened her eyes and watched him sleep peacefully. Her heart swelled with a unspoken love that seemed to boil within her very soul. When she had first met Adrian she had thought that he seemed like a nice man, completely wacky but nice. Now he had shown her a different side of who he was and who he could be and it was that man that she loved. She was sure that no one had ever met that man before. Perhaps her uncle had at one time when he had been with Trudy, that she wasn't sure of.

And there was the whole thing about Trudy. Adrian loved her with a fierce passion. Samantha had always wanted to be loved with that kind of passion and she only wanted Adrian to be that man. However, she didn't want to take away from his beloved Trudy. She knew that it would cause him a great deal of pain to deal with such a rift and she didn't want to become the 'other' woman.

She watched him shift slightly and she held her breath for a moment. His eyes fluttered open and looked down at her. He smiled softly.

"Good morning," he said softly, his voice was rough with sleep. She smiled softly, feeling her cheeks blushing.

"Good moring, Adrian. How did you sleep?" She asked him softly. He pushed a strand of her hair out of her eyes slowly. Her heart raced at his simple touch.

"It was the best sleep I have ever had," he replied. Samantha traced circles nervously upon his chest.

"That's great to hear," she answered. She watched him blush softly.

"How did you sleep?" He asked her as he continued to brush her hair back.

"I slept wonderfully," she replied softly. He smiled brightly and her heart fluttered wildly in her chest.

"I'm glad. Should we get up and get ready to have lunch with the Lieutenant?" He asked her. She nodded and they got out of bed together.

o0o0o0o0o0o0

Lieutenant Leighland stood up when his neice and Adrian Monk came to the table that they had reserved. There was a glow on the girl's cheeks that he had never seen before. He knew her extremely well and that look had to be due to something important and he was pretty sure just who it was.

Adrian had changed since he had last saw him four months ago. He was casually dressed, something he hadn't seen even when Trudy was alive. There was that same glow upon his face. He chuckled softly to himself as they came closer.

"Adrian, Sam! How have you two been?" He asked as they came closer. They smiled and greeted him together. Adrian pulled out a chair next to Leighland and motioned for Samantha to sit down in it. She blushed and sat down softly, thanking him gently. Leighland raised an eyebrow, but refrained from questioning.

"How have you been Uncle?" Samantha asked him sweetly as he sat down next to her, Adrian on her other side.

"Good. Extremely busy, but good. What have you two been up to?" He asked in his gruff voice.

"I've been teaching Adrian about life," Samantha reported with a bright smile. Adrian smiled sheepishly and nodded. Leighland raised his eyebrow once more.

"Really? Have you gotten him to shake people's hands yet?" Leighland teased.

"Yes. We've gone to the beach and Adrian even swam in the ocean," she replied. Leighland's eyes widened as he turned his gaze over to his friend. He had known Adrian for a long time and never once had he heard of him acting this way.

"What has come over you, Adrian?" Leighland asked, genuinely curious. He watched as Adrian's eyes gazed softly upon Samantha's face.

"Your neice," he said softly. Samantha looked up and blushed brightly. She adverted her gaze to her napkin that she was hastily putting in her lap.

"Oh no I haven't, Adrian," she said so softly that Leighland had to strain to hear it. Adrian reached over and stopped her from wringing her napkin. Leighland watched as she looked up at Adrian.

"Yes you have," he whispered. She blushed even deeper as he released her hand. Leighland cleared his throat loudly, trying to get their attention. They looked over and blushed even deeper at having realized what they had both revealed.

"Do you two. . .erm . . . have something to say to me?" Leighland asked. Samantha looked over at Adrian and looked back, shrugging.

"Well you see, Lieutenant. . . I. . . I've . . . I've fallen for your neice," Adrian rushed. Samantha looked back over at him quickly. Her hand had found the base of her neck. A bright smile had filled her face.

"Oh Adrian. I've fallen for you too," she breathed. He looked over at her and smiled lovingly.

"Really?" He asked her. She nodded and smiled.

"Hey. Love birds. I'm still here," Leighland piped up, causing them to look back over at him.

"It just happened you see," Adrian started to explain. Samantha nodded.

"Oh it just happened? Well. I'm happy for the two of you," Leighland replied.

"Really Uncle Leighland?" She asked him, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled and nodded.

"It's about time someone brought Adrian into the light and at least it's someone I trust," he replied. Samantha smiled as Adrian took her hand underneath the table softly.

"Thanks Uncle," she said softly. He winked at her.

"Now let's order. I'm starving," Leighland replied as he opened his menu.


End file.
